I Hate Myself and Want to Die

For Anna Young, stabbing at her veins with a needle was a normal part of life. It's what she had wanted since she learned in seventh grade that her idols were heroin addicts. She strived to become a junkie and was successful. In I Hate Myself and Want to Die, Young recounts her struggles with drugs, suicide, and bipolar disorder. Honest and self-disclosing, Young narrates the intimate details of her drug use and the path to addiction, her time spent in jail and detox, the ravages of withdrawal, her efforts to rehabilitate, her unsuccessful attempts to commit suicide, and her diagnosis with bipolar disorder. This memoir provides a behind-the-scenes and firsthand look at the trials of drug addiction, its wide-reaching effects, and the very real challenge of recovery. I walk into my new cell; it is lockdown after lunch ... I ... lay my head down to ease my headache from the bright lights. I just sit in my bed and shake, sweat, and groan. Once in a while I drift off to sleep. I dream about Elle and getting high, and then I am startled awake. I stare at the ceiling looking for a spot to hang myself.